1. Boston Sports Fans Know Their Teams Are Better Than Yours
You earn the right to be a sports snob; it isn’t something that comes freely.
Because, honestly, can you really beat this amazing 15 year run:
- 4 Super Bowl wins and 6 appearances
- 3 World Series wins
- 1 NBA Championship
- 1 Stanley Cup
- Bask in Tom Brady glory
- Cuddle up to Big Papi every night
Not to mention over 100 years of sports history and the Green Fackin Monster.
2. If You’re Going To Pretend To Know Boston Slang, You Better Damn Use It Correctly
You cannot park your car in Harvard yard.
Whenever out-of-towners get all uppity they start throwing slang out in crappy accents you have to let them know they are incorrect. Things like “Let’s go to the pissah” or “Wicked”.
A party is not a pissah; pissah is not a noun. So say it right:
This party is wicked fackin pissah
Or just don’t say it all.
3. Everyone Already Knows It’s Spelled Boston Not Beantown, So Just Don’t Use Beantown
There’s an unwritten rule that only people from outside of Boston call it Beantown. And everyone from Boston will let you know about it if you say it in their presence.
You can potentially get away with calling it “The Bean” or “The Town” in certain circumstances, but the verdict on that is still split.
Oh, and if you fear for your health, don’t ever call them “Bostoners” even as a joke. It’s Bostonians, plain and simple.
4. There’s A Proper Way To Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. And Boston Knows How It’s Done.
As any smahtass will tell you, legally speaking, The City refuses to acknowledge St. Patrick’s Day as a holiday. So you’re already causing trouble by acknowledging it.
Instead, Suffolk County deems it Evacuation Day.
But true Bostonians celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, regardless of whether or not it’s the same day as a Suffolk County holiday that also happens to close schools and government offices.
It’s not like there’s an Evacuation Day Parade. It’s a St. Paddy’s Day parade.
5. Bostonians’ Driving Skills Are Second To None, And They’ll Let You Know It
Banging a Uey.
Bang a left.
Just a lot of banging.
Driving in Boston takes a level of skill few people in the world have been able to achieve. Only through living in Boston for an extended period of time do you obtain the necessary skills.
People from Boston are the Liam Neesons of commuting.
6. Bostonians Know It’s A Frappe Not A Milkshake
Frappes are way better than milkshakes.
And you have a right to be a snob over something this delicious.
Whether you ingest the deliciousness with a spoon, directly, or, god forbid, a straw, there’s nothing sweeter than an ice cream frappe.
Just don’t call it a milkshake.
7. You Either Straight Talk In Boston, Or Don’t Talk
Folks in Boston are direct with no tolerance for superficialities or pleasantries. Insults are really just terms of endearment.
If you want to be coddled head down to some place like Georgia, Alabama, or Michigan.
It’s the Boston attitude that is part of what makes the city great.
If you can buck up enough, and start dishing it out, Boston will grow on you quickly.
8. Everyone In Boston Knows The Nickname For Dunkin Donuts Is Simply Dunks
People in Boston have Dunkin Donuts coursing through their veins. They don’t just run on the stuff; they have become one with it.
That’s why it has become a moral offense to call it Dunkies. It’s just Dunks.
Of course, Dunkin Donuts, D-n-D, and Dunkin are all fine too.
Just don’t be the ass hat that calls it Dunks.
9. People In Boston Are Smarter Than You, Because Statistics
Boston has the highest number of colleges per capita; more than anywhere else in the world.
The sheer count of highly educated people elevates the average level of discourse. Even people without college degrees become more educated through osmosis.
If you feel insecure about visiting such a successful city, deal with it. Boston is probably just smarter than you.
10. Everyone Knows Boston Is “The Hub” aka The Hub Of The Universe
Which brings us to our last point — Bostonians are the best.
The combination of tradition, unique culture, and wicked driving skills only exists in Boston.
So sure, people from Boston might not treat you like their long lost buddy when they first meet you. They don’t know you.
But stick with Boston and you will have more pride than you can imagine.
And a city full of loyal friends for life.